meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
