Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
