Me too!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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