i wish peter jackson would direct porn
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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