3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
