I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
