I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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