hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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