Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
