My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
