I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
