i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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