The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize