I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
