She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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