VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
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