Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
