You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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