so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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