a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
