butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
