That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
