Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
