This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
