In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
