perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
