So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
