Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
