did you get engaged???
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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