Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
