this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
