I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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