btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
