Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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