I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
