So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Randomize
