Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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