im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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