I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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