I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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