a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
