after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
