he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
