I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
