My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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