this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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