I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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