One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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