you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
