you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
