I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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