Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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