She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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